When Parenting Gives You Whiplash + ...

Last night, I was at a basketball game for my ten year old. 

In between cheers of encouragement and full belly laughs at her team of just-shy-of-tween-age girls who are all limbs and uncontrolled speed with awkward (at best) coordination, I was also busy texting away with my almost 18 year old. That daughter - who moved back to the States last summer - was working on one of her college applications for next fall. She was rapid-firing me screen shots (which I had to enlarge and scroll all around just to be able to read on my phone), asking me what different abbreviations referred to, what certain questions meant, generally seeking advice and counsel as she negotiated her way through the on line application.

Two very-different-but-not-really-because-they-are-all-my-kids worlds colliding: the fun, noise and movement of an elementary school basketball game with the seriousness, potentially future-life-impacting decisions of young adulthood and the completion of college application forms. 

My head was, almost literally, spinning.

This is one of those things that I couldn't fathom way back when - a young mother of several littles. Those all consuming, all absorbing days of diapers, late night feedings, steamy showers to alleviate croup and congestion, car seat battles, potty training, moms & tots groups and mountains of laundry that rarely got folded and put away before being worn again. 

I could have never foreseen such craziness, even when frazzled by the scurrying of school mornings and making then packing lunch for eight or nine bodies leaving the house by 8:00 a.m. - at the latest, the wild switch between drilling second grade spelling words, kindergarten writing practice... both while deciphering physics and striving to remember how to use a scientific calendar... only to be interrupted by a seventh grader learning to use a Chromebook followed by ninth grader trying to write a poem for English class. Oh yeah... dinner was prepared and a prayer letter written while all of that other stuff was taking place.

Now we've entered that parenting season where biggers are far from us and busy with lives they are building independent of their parents... but who, in many ways, still need (and thankfully, still desire) coaching from Dad and Mama as they learn to navigate all of those new-to-them real-life-with-real-life-results-and-consequences types of situations. When overwhelmed and confused, they text Mama, hoping she can somehow figure out what they need to do. When tired and needing encouragement, they call Dad, hoping his voice (and a few words of wisdom) will breathe courage and gumption back into them - and just maybe tell them what to do so they don't have to figure it all out all by themselves.

We currently have three at least knee (or waist... chest... neck... depending on day and/or circumstance) deep in a swamp called Discovery that Adulting is Liberating, New, Fun and Exciting... but Sometimes Scary... and Almost Always Lots of Hard Work and Responsibility! 

Our young adults are on a steep learning curve - but, "Oy!" 

So am I.

For when I get those texts from distant ones who are removed from my right here right now reality of elementary homework (almost all in French), high school homework (again, almost all in French), carpools, basketball games and schedules, malfunctioning saxophones, school Christmas programs as well as all the regular daily - dinner, laundry, picking up around the house, keeping up with mission correspondance,... I'm learning how to multitask in a totally new way. For I try to give my biggers the coaching they need, encouraging, giving factual information, asking questions that get them to think... but I can't just grab a pencil and work out a sample college application the same way I just walked then talked our 4th grade Elsie Mae through adding signed numbers - until she was ready to practice all on her own. I can't write a college essay, apply for a job, talk to the financial office and figure out a payment plan for school bills. I can't just default to telling them what I think they should do because I'm discombobulated by straddling the chasm between these two parenting worlds... These bigs have to make their own plans and decisions and then follow through (or not) and get the results (or consequences) that are a part of their choices.

It IS agonizing as a parent - to want to tell them what I think they should do (after all, experience has taught me a few things here and there) and know that that's exactly what I shouldn't do. Instead, I need to coach and encourage and comfort as they live their own lives and choices, listening and listening and listening - occasionally reflecting back what I hear or asking probing questions - but no longer pushing... no longer leading... 

Instead, I'm coming alongside as they join me in this adulting adventure.

That's all fine and dandy - I get it.

What makes it crazy is that at the same time, we still have the bigs and littlers at home - who have very different parenting needs. And I need to be very present, not distracted by the text of the moment - which can be hard. After all, an elementary basketball game doesn't seem to have as much long term life impact as decisions about which college to attend.

That switch from parenting-by-text to basketball mama? 

It = whiplash + wind knocked out of you + exhaustion 

(bigs text at the most unreasonable hours, by the way) 

Most days, I don't know 

• whether to cry from loneliness for my hearts that are walking around many miles distant - I miss those awesome young adults, a lot...
• whether to celebrate all of the great steps I get to hear about (and occasionally see) as they trudge through the adulting swamp...
• whether to panic that a car is in the ditch or someone is deathly sick because I haven't had a text or Facebook message in the past 36 hours - and send out the Calvary to check, just in case...
• whether to just bask in the enjoyment of learning to be not just parent but friend...
• or whether to take a 25 minute power nap and slather Icy Hot on my neck so I'm ready for the next wild texting session in the middle of a basketball game!

On the other hand, every single day, I DO know

that I wouldn't trade this life I've been gifted by God. 

Five Minute Friday ~ Release

M&M was my 8th K4 student.

I've had to be a bit careful of my attitude as I've watched those other mothers and fathers there for every field trip, every activity for their K4 kiddos.

I've not been - partly because I've been there, done that... several times. Partly because I had other obligations and things I needed to do with other kids that made it impossible. But the biggest "partly" had to do with the fact the M&M needed to gain some independence from me and not have me around for everything.

That didn't stop me from wondering, though, from time to time... and sometimes more times than not... what some of those other really involved-there-all-the-time mommies and daddies might have thought of me.

THIS... these pictures... was her last field trip of the year and was one of those ones that I did make.

I don't know that I genuinely think of these ordeals as fun, even under the best of circumstances - although I enjoy watching my little girlie run around and learn and interact with her friends and learn and then come running back to me to tell me what exciting thing she's discovered.

This trip was to a nearby children's museum. This piping display right next to the window was M&M's favorite exhibit. Mine, too... just because she enjoyed it so much.

Well... that's not entirely true. Because it is highly likely that I might have had just as much fun at this exhibit as she did.

The piping was some sort of a vacuum. M&M would pick up scarves and foam balls and put them in the tubes. Then she'd watch them be sucked through - literally flying along - and then they'd pop out to float or fling to the ground, where she'd either catch or gather off the floor to start the whole process over again.

At certain junctions in the piping, were levers that could be moved. That would change the pathway the scarves or balls would then take through the tubing as well as where they'd then pop out.

With each release, my littlest one stood there waiting, eyes up... wondering which pipe would then spew forth those items so she could run, try to catch, collect so she could do it all over again.

I'm not kidding you when I say she was fascinated. Like for 20 minutes fascinated. In a children's museum with lots of other things to potentially fascinate her. 

I was glad.

This whole scenario reminded me a bit of parenting.

There aren't any formulas... and I guess I no longer picture my husband and I as "launching" or "aiming and shooting" (as in the bow and arrow analogy) our kids as they're starting to grow up and move out and away and on to other things. Instead, it is feeling a lot more like M&M releasing those scarves into that vacuum... where then they are sucked away - almost violently.

We aren't exactly sure what paths they will take, whether they pop or fling or float - but as their parents, we can watch expectantly for when that happens - and then go from there...

Right?

****************************************

Linking up, a few days late, with Lisa-Jo for a Five Minute Friday write.

(adding all the photos too more than five minutes

31 days... of dinner chez les Wrightlings... When Grandpa Gene and Grandma Susan come and kidsit {day 31}

We traveled back to the Grand Rapids to teach missionary lessons to a couple of AWANA groups at one of our supporting churches.

School nights make it hard to cart the kids 2.5 hours away and back... all after school.

So we recruited Grandma and Grandpa to stay with the gang, see that they ate, didn't assassinate each other or destroy the house, made it over to their AWANA/youth group and back and that hopefully the littles would get to bed.

An extra treat?

New cousins Angelina and Peyton came to visit, too!

(And we can't forget one of Rebekah's classmates who needed a place to hang out in between school and church... She was there as well.)

I asked the girls if they were a good help when we got home.

They said they had fun.

And Nadia said she showed Grandma Susan where the food was.

Oh the things kids do... like NOT help when they could.

Oh well... We obviously needed Grandma there or at least the eating would not have happened.

Looked like they ate pretty doggone good stuff, too!

Nadia begged the leftovers so the kids could take it for lunch.

Since rain continues to trickle from the sky...

These kiddos are hoping for a sugar high from the Halloween candy we aren't handing out!

What a way to end 31 days of dinner chez les Wrightlings!

Previous Posts

Squirrel Soup {day 1}

Chimichangas {day 2}

in which I start conniving... {day 3}

in which I have absolutely NO IDEA... {day 4}

when the Taco Bell cooks decide... {day 5}

 Cheese Quesadillas... {day 6}

Eggs, Bacon, Buttery Toast and Watermelon... {day 7}

Rice and Sauce... {day 8}

Grilled Cheese, Creamy Chicken Soup, Salad... a Church Program and an Ice Cream Social {day 9}

We got Brendan! {day 10}

(modified) Italian Chicken Pita {day 11} 

Borscht {day 12} 

Doughnut Saturday {day 13}
...nothing more than junk food {day 14}

Dredging the Fridge... {day 15} 
Egg Fried Rice {day 16}
Amidst much moaning and groaning {day 17}
...dinner chez Grandma Edith instead! {day 18}
Butternut squash mac and cheeze {day 19}
Black bean and butternut squash burritos {day 20}
Butterscotch pumpkin bread with chocolate pumpkin butter {day 21}
Chili, conversation, baby oranges and "really cute little girls..." {day 22}
Comfort food, otherwise known as ~ potato soup {day 23}
Cabbage fritters with a yogurt dip and a yummy fall fruit salad {day 24}
Toad in the hole and roasted squash - seriously! {day 25}
...Chez Culver's... {day 26}
Homemade lasagna... noodles and all {day 27}
KFC {day 28}
Goulash {day 29}
Repurposed Food {day 30}

And what's the logical thing to do with really, REALLY BIG pine cones?

Well, after they all picked them up and just stared at them...

and she tried to look really super cute for a photo with one...

they had a pine cone fight (think snowball, if you can't otherwise imagine it), of course!

It's always fun to cross paths with Niger friends... but in the USA!

It was a real treat for our family to swing through their town, grill hotdogs, let the kids visit and play, delight our Jon-man in seeing one of his best buddies from school the previous year, and stretch our legs - getting out of the car for a bit.

We popped in on the Wetmores!

And what did the kiddos do?

Mostly?

They watched...

It was a little intense for M&M...,

which means they must have been watching River Monsters.

Our short visit ended much too quickly and soon it was time to say goodbye again...

and hit the road.

But not before we collected t-shirts and sweat pants

(I have NO idea how many layers Jonathan is wearing right here.)...

which came in delightfully handy later that very night, 

camping up at Donner Memorial State Park Campground.

Survivor Scotland ~ Otherwise known as "The Night of the Midges"...according to Rebekah

"Highland midges are notorious UK summer pests. 

They're found not only in Scotland 

but also in areas of boggy and acidic soil in mainland Europe, Russia and China. 

In Scotland, they are also known as the Highland biting midge, and for good reason, 

as this species is responsible for 90% of the midge bites to humans. 

It is the large, cloud-forming numbers 

that help to make this tiny fly such a great nuisance. 

In prime breeding grounds it has been estimated that larvae 

can reach an incredible density of 

24 million per hectare."

(from the BBC Nature Wildlife web page)

I think we found said density...

...not far from the Falls of Shinn.

Be sure and watch for glimpses of the swarming critters (Look outside the vans... through the windows - sometimes you can see them flying; other times, it is the shimmering... 
It looked like a snow blizzard looking out from inside the van.) 
in this video Rebekah took with her little camera.
Enjoy her commentary and the silly antics of the Wrightling tribe as well!

By the way, this version is lightly edited to remove all references to "flatulation," 

Mama & Daddy getting grumpy while being eaten alive
(we're only into complimentary authenticity), 
super-wiggly-vertigo-inducing video, 

overly embarrassing seconds...

as well as plain redundancy...

We also tried to maintain a reasonable length.

You can thank us for that later ~ except

some of you may not consider the result a reasonable length!

In that case, you can find video of the swarming midges at about

30 seconds

into the video.

Five Minute Friday ~ View

 

It catches me off-guard, what surprises me sometimes.

(And how's that for redundant... really!??)

Victoria did the other night... has it actually, already been a week? Time is flying these days!

Sahel Academy's middlers (i.e. grades 4-8) performed a musical. They've been preparing for this since January. There were tryouts, practices, dance lessons, choreographies, after school practices... Spring Break practices, dress rehearsal week, not to mention lots and lots of singing, dancing, acting, costuming, staging and giggling!

Instead of Sahel's little mini staging area at the front of the old-becoming-new dining hall (still very much in the construction, improvement, restoration phase), this production took place at one of the larger, more impressive venues in town... important enough so that the original performance date was changed because (according to the whispers I seem to remember hearing) THE President planned to speak there the originally scheduled night.

We sat in the front row... And even with that, I wished for a better telephoto lens because the girls were still all too far away as I looked through the view finder to try and take photos even as the chorus and dancers took their places on the stage and we waited for the musical to start.

The silly eighth grade boys started off with their opening dialogue, the one that sets the scene. Then the music starts and Victoria stands up and walks, all alone to the microphone. She looked so tiny. And so confident, too.

Those first few words were her, alone, singing - in front of all those people.

I knew she was going to - and yet? She still surprised me.

Why don't you join us ~ here's what you do... and make sure you link up, over @ Lisa Jo's!

"Set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.

2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..."

(Thanks to my friend, Shannon. She took the first photo in this post... and has shared several more that I'll be sure to post up soon on the blog!)

Wordless Wednesday ~ Anyone find it strange that she's playing in the sand and mud in a WHITE skirt? Her daddy must've been watching her...