I had someone use that phrase when speaking with me the other day.
My first thought?
In the middle of a difficult conversation, throwing a Bible verse at someone is playing dirty - because how in the world can you argue with God's inspired words, especially when your whole life has been built around trying to integrate it's truth into every aspect of your life?
So due to the context, the comment was not at all appreciated.
And as a parent... as well as one who works in a Christian school with children who misbehave,...a lot... that is something I need to remember.
I also trust God that "criticism," whether offered
contructively out of love
or
vengefully with a desire to hurt in retaliation,
gives the Spirit of God opportunity to hold up a mirror where I can look long and hard to see if the criticism, or at least certain aspects, was merited.
So I'm sitting with these words for a bit, even though it also means cutting the wound a little deeper.
Interpreting and applying a proverb
According to the Bible Project, in one of their videos about the book of Proverbs: "... the purpose of this book is to help you develop a set of practical skills for living well in God's world and this gets linked with another key idea...; the fear of the Lord. Now fear here is not about terror. It's about a healthy sense of reverence and awe for God and about my place in the universe. It's a moral mindset that recognizes that I am not God and that I don't get to make up my own definitions of good and evil, of right and wrong. Rather I need to humble myself before God and embrace God's definition of right and wrong, even when that's inconvenient for me." (beginning at 1:44 in the video)
A quick search reveals all sorts of strategies for studying this book of short, pithy sayings. However, since the distinguishing fact of a proverb is its succintness, there are also a few cautions to keep in mind. Thus a proverb should generally not be considered an absolute truth or promise. Additionally, because some proverbs describe the reality of life in a fallen world, description or inclusion is not the same as a comprehensive rubber stamp.
In other words, the wounds of a friend are generally faithful, but do not assume that is always the case... unless, of course, the friend in question is God.
Rereading the beginning verses of Proverbs 27 today, the image that keeps coming to mind is from last year's Easter program:
Adam and Eve choosing the kisses of the serpent instead of heeding the words of God.
I wonder if, in their minds, those words seemed hard, restrictive and unfair, even though they had come from a friend - their God who walked and talked with them, from the beginning, in the garden?
As a consequence, God then pronounced words even more wounding, the curse of sin on all mankind.
Thankfully, he then followed with words of promise, planting a seed of hope that blossomed into fullfillment with the empty tomb.
From the beginning of time, the wounds of the only perfect friend prove faithful, while the kisses of the eternal enemy bring catastrophy.
Voila ~ the truth on which this proverb is based.
However, no mere human is a perfect friend.
Three key words: wounds... friend... faithful...
Wounds
In the original language, wound refers to a bruise, or what happens when a part of the body is injured and blood from the damaged capillaries (small blood vessels) leaks out. With no place to go, the blood gets trapped under the skin, forming a red or purplish mark that's tender when you touch it. It is the result of an act that crushes or batters.
Friend
Today, friend has all sorts of meanings, including those listed as designated connections on social media. Clearly, that is not what this proverb is getting at.
Friend, in the original Hebrew language, refers to someone who loves or is loved. There really isn't a whole lot more detail. In fact, this particular Hebrew word used for love can refer to love in any or all of its possible manifestations.
What several of the commentators I read said was that it was more telling to look at what love was not. In particular, love is the opposite of hate.
Most dictionaries define hate as a very strong feeling of dislike; an intense hostility. The ancient Hebrew prioritizes a very different nuance. “Sane’ ” (saw-nay’), often translated as hate, is, in pictograph letters, “thorn seed.” According to Jeff Benner in The Ancient Hebrew Lexicon of the Bible "The thorn, (the seed of a plant with small sharp points) cause one to turn directions to avoid them.” In other words, not allowing love. Hate means putting up walls, a hedge of protection, to avoid pain. This image makes me think of the Michael Card song Why?
Only a friend can betray a friend
A stranger has nothing to gain
And only a friend comes close enough
To ever cause so much pain
Faithful
Pillars of support, stable, nourishing, established and sure...
Putting it all together ~
Sure and stable, supporting, nourishing and buttressing are those tender to the touch contusions that result from crushing and battering when inflicted by someone who loves you, sees you for who you are and is working for your very best.
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| Photo credit : Unsplash by Robert Linder |
So what's my conclusion?
Ouch!
Can I trust the "friend" who has recently wounded me? I really don't know.
We humans are so fallible, so prone to wander, so likely to sin and seek vengeance, so arrogant and sure that our own way has the holy stamp of approval. Thus, that question is impossible for me to answer.
However, I can trust my divine friend.
We often pray for deliverance from hard things - the things that cause us pain. God, however, is more interested in delivering us from our sinful selves than He is in stopping the pain of a wound becoming a tool of redemption in His faithful, capable hands.
