Five Minute Friday ~ Weak

They've had stuffy noses for a week.

Sore throats. Hoarse voices.

A bit of achiness and one complains that her ear hurts.

One of those viral rashes that feels like sandpaper rash all over their bodies.

I've even heard a bit of coughing in the week hours of the morning.

They aren't, like, super sick. I just got home after dropping them off at school today.

No fevers.

Still sleeping at night.

Laughing and playing and interested in life, once they get going.

But yesterday  morning, both little girls woke up still tired (even though they were in bed the night before far earlier than normal), clearly under-the-weather, huge dark circles around their eyes, scratchy, nasal voices. Both just seemed weak.

Could they have gone to school?

Probably. And they would have had good days... done fine.

But I decided to keep them home, to let them rest, to not make their brains work so hard in a second language all day long (even though that is only barely a factor any more), to let them enjoy YouTube Disney music videos and Pentatonix covers, to snuggle in bed and read, to eat a warm, fresh made lunch, to take a two hour nap...

Because it is when we are weak, we are more vulnerable...

Would it have been a wrong decision to send them to school? I don't think so.

Was it a good decision to keep them home?

I think so.

We had a delightful day together. I don't often have those opportunities any more.

Opportunities to care for my sick babies.

One of my Michigan bigs is sick... and I can't be there to pull the covers up around her, run to the store and pick up some NyQuil or make her a cup of Throat Coat tea if she asks.

One of my other Michigan bigs recently had an abcess near his eye. He looked like he'd gone a few rounds in a boxing ring and definitely came out worse for the wear. It kept him out of classes and work for a few days. Doctors orders. And I couldn't be there to drive him to see the doctor, to take him back for his recheck or to make sure he was eating healthy while his body was trying to heal.

I'm always worrying, at least a little, about my Iowa gal. Asthma, dorm life in a state where influenza counts are currently moderate to high and needing to refill her epi-pen because it is expired but waiting since they are expensive and she probably won't need it (yellow jackets) for at least a few more months. Those are plenty of reasons to keep me wondering about her and how she is doing, physical health-wise.

A younger mama, I might have insisted that my two littlest girlies go to school yesterday. Catching up is hard; it is that much harder in your second language.

I'm guessing I'll be taking advantage of those not always necessary opportunities brought about about by weakness - to slow down, stop, change my plans and care for those chunks of my heart that are always out and about, wandering around outside my body - a bit more often than I used to.

Back before they started to leave the nest

Perhaps the nostalgia I so often claim doesn't usually affect me has made me a little weak-kneed as I think about this kids God has gifted me.

first photo credit: FotoDB.de Fieberthermometer via photopin (license)

Five Minute Friday ~ Connect

The first thing that actually came to mind when I saw today's Five Minute Friday word, connect, was one of its antonyms: sever.... or the French word sevrage - which can refer to any sort of separation, but I specifically remember it because I heard it A LOT when weaning my kids, each time we reached that stage in life with one of them.

It was hard and often uncomfortable then - even thought right and normal and good...

But the sevrages of this season of life, as we coach from afar our young adults busy about this business of adulting are even harder and more uncomfortable than I ever dreamed.

And just in case you are wondering - the idea that it gets easier after they are out and  more or less successfully adulting on their own a bit? That's hogwash!

We just spent a fabulous 10 days back in Michigan with our extended families... but especially with Brendan, Rebekah Joy and Nadia. It wasn't ALL the sweet smells of cinnamon, vanilla and roses: siblings argue, parents forget and try to insist on things they don't have a right to insist on with their young adults (old habits do die hard), feelings get pinched a little when big sibs run and hang with friends instead of little sibs... and then Mama teases back to make sure big sibs understand that... And then there's the queue for the bathroom when SOMEONE is taking too long, stinky foot smell when someone removes their shoes in close quarters and suffocates the family, disagreements over which game or which TV show, etc.! But all that's just normal family stuff. And there were those really precious moments: surprise sweet 16 planned and organized mostly by big sisters for little sis, thoughtful presents, big bro-little sis dates at Barnes and Noble, lots of snuggles and tickles and good natured teasing, as well as some fierce fights via computer gaming, some dancing (the Macarena to Brand New Day... all eight of them, in the living room) and lots of KPop and animé.

Saying goodbye on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning - that was HARD. And UNCOMFORTABLE. They've all got big life decisions looming: deciding where to go to school, looking at what to do after school and starting to think about what things need to line up for that next step, considering changes to the original next step, thinking about a missions exploration trip, securing a job in chosen field to fund continued studies... In the immediate, one has a long trip back to campus in potentially nasty weather while the other two drive in nasty Michigan winter weather for the next few months.

Tears were abundant.

The more precious the connection, the more painful the sevrage.

I don't always like it; but, I am always okay with it. 

It is right and normal and good. And exciting.

I'm so proud of my adulting young'uns... even as they make mistakes. They are brave, strong, full of fascinating ideas and hopes for future, and most of the time, trying hard to make good choices. They're still learning much about letting God be the only one on the throne of their lives, but then so am I.

I couldn't be prouder.

I can't wait to "connect" again - even though the sevrage that time will still be every bit as hard and uncomfortable.

As it should be.

When Parenting Gives You Whiplash + ...

Last night, I was at a basketball game for my ten year old. 

In between cheers of encouragement and full belly laughs at her team of just-shy-of-tween-age girls who are all limbs and uncontrolled speed with awkward (at best) coordination, I was also busy texting away with my almost 18 year old. That daughter - who moved back to the States last summer - was working on one of her college applications for next fall. She was rapid-firing me screen shots (which I had to enlarge and scroll all around just to be able to read on my phone), asking me what different abbreviations referred to, what certain questions meant, generally seeking advice and counsel as she negotiated her way through the on line application.

Two very-different-but-not-really-because-they-are-all-my-kids worlds colliding: the fun, noise and movement of an elementary school basketball game with the seriousness, potentially future-life-impacting decisions of young adulthood and the completion of college application forms. 

My head was, almost literally, spinning.

This is one of those things that I couldn't fathom way back when - a young mother of several littles. Those all consuming, all absorbing days of diapers, late night feedings, steamy showers to alleviate croup and congestion, car seat battles, potty training, moms & tots groups and mountains of laundry that rarely got folded and put away before being worn again. 

I could have never foreseen such craziness, even when frazzled by the scurrying of school mornings and making then packing lunch for eight or nine bodies leaving the house by 8:00 a.m. - at the latest, the wild switch between drilling second grade spelling words, kindergarten writing practice... both while deciphering physics and striving to remember how to use a scientific calendar... only to be interrupted by a seventh grader learning to use a Chromebook followed by ninth grader trying to write a poem for English class. Oh yeah... dinner was prepared and a prayer letter written while all of that other stuff was taking place.

Now we've entered that parenting season where biggers are far from us and busy with lives they are building independent of their parents... but who, in many ways, still need (and thankfully, still desire) coaching from Dad and Mama as they learn to navigate all of those new-to-them real-life-with-real-life-results-and-consequences types of situations. When overwhelmed and confused, they text Mama, hoping she can somehow figure out what they need to do. When tired and needing encouragement, they call Dad, hoping his voice (and a few words of wisdom) will breathe courage and gumption back into them - and just maybe tell them what to do so they don't have to figure it all out all by themselves.

We currently have three at least knee (or waist... chest... neck... depending on day and/or circumstance) deep in a swamp called Discovery that Adulting is Liberating, New, Fun and Exciting... but Sometimes Scary... and Almost Always Lots of Hard Work and Responsibility! 

Our young adults are on a steep learning curve - but, "Oy!" 

So am I.

For when I get those texts from distant ones who are removed from my right here right now reality of elementary homework (almost all in French), high school homework (again, almost all in French), carpools, basketball games and schedules, malfunctioning saxophones, school Christmas programs as well as all the regular daily - dinner, laundry, picking up around the house, keeping up with mission correspondance,... I'm learning how to multitask in a totally new way. For I try to give my biggers the coaching they need, encouraging, giving factual information, asking questions that get them to think... but I can't just grab a pencil and work out a sample college application the same way I just walked then talked our 4th grade Elsie Mae through adding signed numbers - until she was ready to practice all on her own. I can't write a college essay, apply for a job, talk to the financial office and figure out a payment plan for school bills. I can't just default to telling them what I think they should do because I'm discombobulated by straddling the chasm between these two parenting worlds... These bigs have to make their own plans and decisions and then follow through (or not) and get the results (or consequences) that are a part of their choices.

It IS agonizing as a parent - to want to tell them what I think they should do (after all, experience has taught me a few things here and there) and know that that's exactly what I shouldn't do. Instead, I need to coach and encourage and comfort as they live their own lives and choices, listening and listening and listening - occasionally reflecting back what I hear or asking probing questions - but no longer pushing... no longer leading... 

Instead, I'm coming alongside as they join me in this adulting adventure.

That's all fine and dandy - I get it.

What makes it crazy is that at the same time, we still have the bigs and littlers at home - who have very different parenting needs. And I need to be very present, not distracted by the text of the moment - which can be hard. After all, an elementary basketball game doesn't seem to have as much long term life impact as decisions about which college to attend.

That switch from parenting-by-text to basketball mama? 

It = whiplash + wind knocked out of you + exhaustion 

(bigs text at the most unreasonable hours, by the way) 

Most days, I don't know 

• whether to cry from loneliness for my hearts that are walking around many miles distant - I miss those awesome young adults, a lot...
• whether to celebrate all of the great steps I get to hear about (and occasionally see) as they trudge through the adulting swamp...
• whether to panic that a car is in the ditch or someone is deathly sick because I haven't had a text or Facebook message in the past 36 hours - and send out the Calvary to check, just in case...
• whether to just bask in the enjoyment of learning to be not just parent but friend...
• or whether to take a 25 minute power nap and slather Icy Hot on my neck so I'm ready for the next wild texting session in the middle of a basketball game!

On the other hand, every single day, I DO know

that I wouldn't trade this life I've been gifted by God. 

Five Minute Friday ~ Reflect

Lots to reflect on this year...

So many changes... Moving... More goodbyes... New place... New school... New (to some of us) language... New pets... Six living at home instead of eight...

Although, I must say - not much has actually surprised me. This year has been hard where I expected it to be hard, exciting where I expected it to be exciting, edifying where I expected it to be edifying. Been nice to have a year where I've felt like God prepared me in advance and nothing really caught me off guard. (I certainly don't expect it to always be like that.)

But I'm thankful. I've needed an a year where expectations and realities pretty well lined up.

Well, except for this one thing.

Having my big ones off and far away has been a lot different than I expected. I miss them. Something awful. I think about them everyday, often throughout the day. I pray for them more than I ever dreamed possible to remember to pray for anyone. But I'm also loving this season.

We are learning to communicate in a new way, over distances, and to work through challenges with our kids - now as young adults. They have freedom to make decisions that we don't necessarily like or that we feel are unwise. They procrastinate... and have to figure out their own way out of any resulting problems. They learn to relate to other family members and their communities without any buffer of Daddy and Mama. They are adventurers and life explorers on a great adventure and I get a front row seat as they discover their futures and God's plans for their lives. From where I sit? Best show ever! It is exciting and fun and a privilege to play a much smaller than before part.

I love hearing about something taking place in my girl's life via one of her sisters and Snapchat. It is fun to see pictures on Facebook of  my big ones and the life they are living... even when I'm not a daily part of that life.

Yes, I miss them.

But I wouldn't change a thing.

This is as it should be, and I'm not going to bemoan the physical distance separating and exponentially limited time together. I've prayed almost all of their lives that these breathtaking (Yes! They do take my breath away on an almost daily basis for both good and bad reasons - I'm totally and 100% biased!) young people would be tools of God, used by Him to impact whatever "world" He gives them in which to live. I still pray that...

And then there's this. With the big two not such a physical presence in our daily lives, the next two have had opportunities to shine unfiltered. And it has been fun! I think that sometimes, and probably unintentionally, older siblings tend to shadow over their younger ones. When those older ones move on and into these different life stages, it gives us, as parents, an opportunity to see the next ones in line in a totally different light.

And I'm finding them hilarious, fascinating, challenging, sometimes annoying, always entertaining and just downright fun to be with.

As parents, we blink and they become.

But this parent doesn't have time to spend missing the past and or the desire to long for those wonderful years of "ago" and littles and all my "ducklings" under wing, in a row.

I'll say it again: the right here and right now is just too wonderful - be it in person or via Skype!

Of Sheep and Wolves, of Serpents and Doves

It happened in the car while bringing the kids home from school sometime this year… nothing extraordinary or life changing, but I can’t stop thinking about it.

As missionaries on support learning a new ministry in a new place (that is just about as polar opposite as possible from where we were), we are still figuring out how to make everything work: daily schedules, doctor appointments, health insurance, where to go for car repairs, credits for graduation, future college plans, the budget… Recently, we ran into that not uncommon problem of “more month than money” requiring, for one, creativity in the kitchen – the idea being to use up what was there without running to the store for more. 

A frequent after school car ride occurrence is a kids’ critique of the lunches I packed and sent. That day, most of what I’d heard was that lunch was “Yummy!” but there weren’t enough crackers to go with the soup. So I looked over at my girl who’d only received a handful of broken cracker pieces and crumbs from the bottom of the bag and asked her if she was upset. She smiled and said, “No, Mama. I really just thought it was sweet of you to crumble up the crackers for me to put in my soup.”

Wow! My eyes filled with tears. I was both speechless… and immediately convicted!

She knows I love her. She trusts me. She assumed the best possible motivation for what she found in her lunch that day.

Do you ever wonder what our world would be like if we all chose to act and believe like my teenage daughter did that afternoon?

First? What if those of us who follow Christ as Savior and King rested in His sovereignty? What if we believed that whatever He allowed/allows, somehow He works so that it is for good. What if we then acted correspondingly, instead of allowing fear or anger or jealousy to dictate thoughts, words, actions and reactions?

Secondly? What if we chose to first assume good intentions, especially by those who’ve demonstrated time and again that they love and/or care about us? What if we chose to trust proven confidence, even when we don’t exactly see why we should.

Thirdly? What if we recognized that the image of God stamped upon and within each human means that sometimes (by God’s grace and mercy), men and women are capable of amazing sacrifice, generosity, wisdom, creativeness and perseverance? And I don’t just mean the Christians of the world. What if our initial response was to look for that image of God in others, regardless of faith profession, because God’s Word teaches it is there?

Perhaps that is a "utopic" view of the world.

I was taught through years of Sunday school truths like:

• “The heart is deceitful, above all things, and desperately wicked....

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a life overseas: the missions conversation, where I'm posting today.

Wordless Wednesday ~ Rebekah and a guy named Conrad

Singing ~ "The Walls of Zion"

Nadia and Rebekah, singing with their school choir

~ Homeward Bound ~

The 9th grade girls, including Nadia, sang this piece for MACS competition this past school year.

They won...

But tons more important than that is the message of this song that has been ingrained into my girly's heart... and mine...

The song still ministers to my heart, especially during those hard moments... days... 

Listen to the words ~ 

Mostly Wordless Wednesday ~ Still sharing photos from Spirit Week... Nadia's class for Storybook Day ~What was their theme?

The theme of their wall didn't match with their storybook day theme... just in case you were wondering.

Five Minute Friday ~ Glue

I knew she would be here, but I forgot.

What?

My sis who lives on the West Coast while [for the last 14 years] I've been living in West Africa just happens to be in town and I knew and I got distracted with the busyness of life and this family and I forgot... until I talked to Mom...

Our plans rapidly changed.

We enjoyed a lovely evening and were heading home when on impulse, we decided to load up the van, drive to the "Big House" and hang out with Aunt Julie. It was 10:30... Yes, p.m...

Brendan was flying in on Friday morning - but we could just as easily drive to Detroit from Lansing as drive from Midland. So we did... and we've had a blast.

Talking, laughing, teasing, maybe a little gossiping, eating, enjoying the spring-ier weather, shoe shopping, Easter dinner eating (a little early), pie eating, kitchen cleaning, Qwirkling, Pictureka-ing.

But for my four big girls, the manicuring took the cake. Bright colors, crazy designs... even glue to fasten googly eyes.

Can you figure out each design... and then match each hand to either Rebekah, Nadia, Anna or Tori?

We've got a surprise for whoever comes closest.

Go ahead. Leave your best guess as a comment!

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Joining Lisa-Jo for another Five Minute Friday!

Daddy spoils his teenage daughters...

It had been a hard night...

Daddy had to make a run to the grocery store.

He came back with

MmmURGENCY CHOCOLATE

For immediate relief of: Chocolate Cravings, Lovesickness, Exam Pressure, Mild Anxiety and Extreme Hunger.

Directions for use: Tear open wrapper, break off desired dosage, and consume. Alternately massage into the affected area. Repeat dosage as required until finished. If symptoms persist, consult your local confectioner.

It should contain a warning:

Instantly and immediately addictive. Patients will repeatedly and persistently beg for another dose. May even lead to temper tantrums or extreme behavior. Use with caution.

Yikes! She's FIFTEEN as of last weekend!

And thanks to a frigid Tuesday and lots of recovering-from-being-sick teachers at the kids' school, she and I were able to sneak off together for some mama-daughter time this morning. We'd tried over the weekend, but we spent too long at Barnes and Noble and the coffee shop had already closed by the time we pulled into the parking lot.

It was a delight! Listening to her talk and share without having to filter out other chatterers, stop for interruptions or keep an eye on the clock! Those moments don't happen to often. And she's got the best sense of humor. As a young'un, she was always the extrovert and life of the party. But she's growing up to become a quiet, reflective friend who enjoys people but doesn't often draw attention to herself. She's really quite perceptive and a people watcher/listener!

And the conclusion?

I really, really like this FIFTEEN year old!

Scavenged from FB... Cheerleading Pics of my Two Highschool Girls!

 

Looks like they are having fun, don't you think?