Five Minute Friday - Guide

What kind of person are you? 

• One who comes alive at those opportunities to strike out into the unknown without map or sometimes even plan? 
• Or one who meticulously makes lists, charts courses with Google Maps and sketches schematics to ensure that all luggage will fit in the back of the car - considering every possible detail determined prior to unlocking the front door.

I like to think I fall into the second category, at least mostly. Or that is what my personality profile says.

But... (there's always a "but," isn't there?)

I don't clearly and cleanly fall into one category or the either. I do make plans, sometimes quite detailed ones, yet I also crave unpredictable and spontaneous adventure. I (actually) find it exciting when my meticulously made plans are smacked awry by real life, almost relieved that I'm no longer "caged" by my expectations.

And hubby, who tends to be spontaneous and impulsive (hence the text message dinging on my cell most afternoons around 3:30 asking what he can pick up from the grocery store to grill - rain, snow or shine), becomes a mad list-maker before camping trips and family outdoor outings or micromanages wife when company is imminently expected.

Personally, I find that a plan frees me when I remember that it is nothing more than a guide. I don't know why it has taken me nearly 50 years to figure that out. Ever since I first started teaching (around the age of 12 - swim lessons), I'd create plans and very rarely follow them to the letter - or even close to the letter. 

(Five minute buzzer has sounded...)

(...but I'm continuing!)

A guide gives me security without strangling. A starting point and a base to which I can return without defining. A gentle shove in a direction without confining. Established borders bequeathing freedom to roam at will based on what's best in the actual moment.

That IS how I teach. I make a guide, prepare so that I know my material well, and then rarely actually even look at the plan during the actual lesson. The plan is always there, but off to the side, available but not a script I read. Occasionally I glance at it, making sure we are on track or using it to recenter if our tangent is too far off base...

I've been thinking about this as it relates to parenting young adults - those ones who are out on their own, but not completely.

We've all heard the complaints about how there is no parenting manual. How it is all on-the-job-training. 

But that isn't really true. 

We have the Bible, and there really isn't anything new under the sun (to quote a much wiser man than I). We have the wisdom of our own parents and others who've walked this path before us. We have our own life experiences. And we have our young adults who are rapidly gaining life experience as well. It is easy to forget that parenting these bigger ones is very much a cooperative effort - a partnership. We can offer suggestions, guidelines, ideas - but the follow-through and outcome really is up to them. Thinking of teaching your kid how to drive. Sometimes it feels safer with a checklist - but no checklist will guarantee specific outcomes, at least not when it comes to this partnership with those living, breathing young adults God has gifted us.

God gives parents to kids to guide them. Family, however, is not a little kingdom where Dad and Mom dictate all. 

Guiding, especially with these biggers, is much more a question of influence born out of mutual respect.

A respect we parents earn, beginning back in those beginning days of parenting.

Five Minute Friday ~ Connect

The first thing that actually came to mind when I saw today's Five Minute Friday word, connect, was one of its antonyms: sever.... or the French word sevrage - which can refer to any sort of separation, but I specifically remember it because I heard it A LOT when weaning my kids, each time we reached that stage in life with one of them.

It was hard and often uncomfortable then - even thought right and normal and good...

But the sevrages of this season of life, as we coach from afar our young adults busy about this business of adulting are even harder and more uncomfortable than I ever dreamed.

And just in case you are wondering - the idea that it gets easier after they are out and  more or less successfully adulting on their own a bit? That's hogwash!

We just spent a fabulous 10 days back in Michigan with our extended families... but especially with Brendan, Rebekah Joy and Nadia. It wasn't ALL the sweet smells of cinnamon, vanilla and roses: siblings argue, parents forget and try to insist on things they don't have a right to insist on with their young adults (old habits do die hard), feelings get pinched a little when big sibs run and hang with friends instead of little sibs... and then Mama teases back to make sure big sibs understand that... And then there's the queue for the bathroom when SOMEONE is taking too long, stinky foot smell when someone removes their shoes in close quarters and suffocates the family, disagreements over which game or which TV show, etc.! But all that's just normal family stuff. And there were those really precious moments: surprise sweet 16 planned and organized mostly by big sisters for little sis, thoughtful presents, big bro-little sis dates at Barnes and Noble, lots of snuggles and tickles and good natured teasing, as well as some fierce fights via computer gaming, some dancing (the Macarena to Brand New Day... all eight of them, in the living room) and lots of KPop and animé.

Saying goodbye on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning - that was HARD. And UNCOMFORTABLE. They've all got big life decisions looming: deciding where to go to school, looking at what to do after school and starting to think about what things need to line up for that next step, considering changes to the original next step, thinking about a missions exploration trip, securing a job in chosen field to fund continued studies... In the immediate, one has a long trip back to campus in potentially nasty weather while the other two drive in nasty Michigan winter weather for the next few months.

Tears were abundant.

The more precious the connection, the more painful the sevrage.

I don't always like it; but, I am always okay with it. 

It is right and normal and good. And exciting.

I'm so proud of my adulting young'uns... even as they make mistakes. They are brave, strong, full of fascinating ideas and hopes for future, and most of the time, trying hard to make good choices. They're still learning much about letting God be the only one on the throne of their lives, but then so am I.

I couldn't be prouder.

I can't wait to "connect" again - even though the sevrage that time will still be every bit as hard and uncomfortable.

As it should be.

When Parenting Gives You Whiplash + ...

Last night, I was at a basketball game for my ten year old. 

In between cheers of encouragement and full belly laughs at her team of just-shy-of-tween-age girls who are all limbs and uncontrolled speed with awkward (at best) coordination, I was also busy texting away with my almost 18 year old. That daughter - who moved back to the States last summer - was working on one of her college applications for next fall. She was rapid-firing me screen shots (which I had to enlarge and scroll all around just to be able to read on my phone), asking me what different abbreviations referred to, what certain questions meant, generally seeking advice and counsel as she negotiated her way through the on line application.

Two very-different-but-not-really-because-they-are-all-my-kids worlds colliding: the fun, noise and movement of an elementary school basketball game with the seriousness, potentially future-life-impacting decisions of young adulthood and the completion of college application forms. 

My head was, almost literally, spinning.

This is one of those things that I couldn't fathom way back when - a young mother of several littles. Those all consuming, all absorbing days of diapers, late night feedings, steamy showers to alleviate croup and congestion, car seat battles, potty training, moms & tots groups and mountains of laundry that rarely got folded and put away before being worn again. 

I could have never foreseen such craziness, even when frazzled by the scurrying of school mornings and making then packing lunch for eight or nine bodies leaving the house by 8:00 a.m. - at the latest, the wild switch between drilling second grade spelling words, kindergarten writing practice... both while deciphering physics and striving to remember how to use a scientific calendar... only to be interrupted by a seventh grader learning to use a Chromebook followed by ninth grader trying to write a poem for English class. Oh yeah... dinner was prepared and a prayer letter written while all of that other stuff was taking place.

Now we've entered that parenting season where biggers are far from us and busy with lives they are building independent of their parents... but who, in many ways, still need (and thankfully, still desire) coaching from Dad and Mama as they learn to navigate all of those new-to-them real-life-with-real-life-results-and-consequences types of situations. When overwhelmed and confused, they text Mama, hoping she can somehow figure out what they need to do. When tired and needing encouragement, they call Dad, hoping his voice (and a few words of wisdom) will breathe courage and gumption back into them - and just maybe tell them what to do so they don't have to figure it all out all by themselves.

We currently have three at least knee (or waist... chest... neck... depending on day and/or circumstance) deep in a swamp called Discovery that Adulting is Liberating, New, Fun and Exciting... but Sometimes Scary... and Almost Always Lots of Hard Work and Responsibility! 

Our young adults are on a steep learning curve - but, "Oy!" 

So am I.

For when I get those texts from distant ones who are removed from my right here right now reality of elementary homework (almost all in French), high school homework (again, almost all in French), carpools, basketball games and schedules, malfunctioning saxophones, school Christmas programs as well as all the regular daily - dinner, laundry, picking up around the house, keeping up with mission correspondance,... I'm learning how to multitask in a totally new way. For I try to give my biggers the coaching they need, encouraging, giving factual information, asking questions that get them to think... but I can't just grab a pencil and work out a sample college application the same way I just walked then talked our 4th grade Elsie Mae through adding signed numbers - until she was ready to practice all on her own. I can't write a college essay, apply for a job, talk to the financial office and figure out a payment plan for school bills. I can't just default to telling them what I think they should do because I'm discombobulated by straddling the chasm between these two parenting worlds... These bigs have to make their own plans and decisions and then follow through (or not) and get the results (or consequences) that are a part of their choices.

It IS agonizing as a parent - to want to tell them what I think they should do (after all, experience has taught me a few things here and there) and know that that's exactly what I shouldn't do. Instead, I need to coach and encourage and comfort as they live their own lives and choices, listening and listening and listening - occasionally reflecting back what I hear or asking probing questions - but no longer pushing... no longer leading... 

Instead, I'm coming alongside as they join me in this adulting adventure.

That's all fine and dandy - I get it.

What makes it crazy is that at the same time, we still have the bigs and littlers at home - who have very different parenting needs. And I need to be very present, not distracted by the text of the moment - which can be hard. After all, an elementary basketball game doesn't seem to have as much long term life impact as decisions about which college to attend.

That switch from parenting-by-text to basketball mama? 

It = whiplash + wind knocked out of you + exhaustion 

(bigs text at the most unreasonable hours, by the way) 

Most days, I don't know 

• whether to cry from loneliness for my hearts that are walking around many miles distant - I miss those awesome young adults, a lot...
• whether to celebrate all of the great steps I get to hear about (and occasionally see) as they trudge through the adulting swamp...
• whether to panic that a car is in the ditch or someone is deathly sick because I haven't had a text or Facebook message in the past 36 hours - and send out the Calvary to check, just in case...
• whether to just bask in the enjoyment of learning to be not just parent but friend...
• or whether to take a 25 minute power nap and slather Icy Hot on my neck so I'm ready for the next wild texting session in the middle of a basketball game!

On the other hand, every single day, I DO know

that I wouldn't trade this life I've been gifted by God. 

"I just don't feel like you love me!"

That statement, flung at me by one of my daughters, was first prefaced with the claim that she and I must speak different love languages and was in the context of an angry, grumpy, exhausted day where said daughter felt she was entitled to something (that was hers) the very moment she demanded it.

It reminded me of all that volcanic activity that we saw while we were out in Yellowstone last summer.

Her comment angered me and frankly, my first "reactive" thoughts ran along the lines of, "Fine then. Why don't I just give you a very tangible taste of what it would really 'feel' like if I didn't love you."

Which infuriated me. Not just my daughter's angry and hurtful words. My initial response, I mean.

I so totally despise that feeling of infuriating myself... It usually means that in my thought life (if not actually acted out in real time), I'm acting no differently or better than a child... my child.

The temptation is always there. I want to walk through life, assuming a landscape of entitlement, insisting that things go just the way I think they should with self at the center of all. That might be because I think I've worked hard enough and I deserve it... or because things have been so bad and hard lately I should get a break... or because I am important (for this or that reason) and people around me should recognize that and value me... or because my contribution is a little more vital and they'd really miss me if I stopped [contributing] so they'd better not tick me off... or because...

I could keep on going, couldn't I.

The problem with living that way is that I'm just like a volcanic landscape.

Sometimes those feelings bubble and boiling to the surface, little poofs of steam sometimes shoot up, all hinting and giving glimpses of the ugly underneath when too much life pressure builds up. That odor permeating the area? It's distinct - not overpowering but always noticeable. Kinda sulfery. Most would be hard-pressed to describe it sweet, mild, pleasant - or a place to hang out for a significant time.

Other times, there's not noticeable fuming or exploding. But clearly? Something unhealthy is going on underneath, for the visible landscape it missing something. I has a desolate air to it: things once growing and vibrant have died and signs of new life are nonexistent. People who tread that landscape always do so hesitantly, scared of what all that energy just below the obvious surface might do to them should it be unleashed. Who wants to stick it out long term when that sort of blackmail threat is always buried, just out of sight, but still palpable?

Then there are always those who begin to rumble and grumble and then just spew heat and hate and anger and entitlement... sometimes predictably, sometimes only every so often and clearly not when expected, sometimes large and wide, sometimes narrow and high with deadly force and precision.

I don't imagine many would say, "I want people to think of a geologic nightmare, intriguing and fascinating though it may be, like the landscape of Yellowstone... when they think of me." Personally, Yellowstone was the kind of place that was nice to visit. But it wasn't one of the places we saw on our travels where I said, "I could just plant myself here and never leave..." It was too volatile- it sometimes felt (and I don't know if this would make any sense to anyone else) voyeuristic, not to mention overstimulating and just plain exhausting.

As I've thought back many times at first, but just recently once again, to my daughter's furious fuming that began this whole mind-and-heart-meander, I had one final light bulb ping.

I make similar statements to God time and time again. Just like Job did. Until he realized. 

What was Job's response?

"I know that You can do all things, And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted. 'Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?' Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. Hear, now, and I will speak; I will ask You, and You instruct me. I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees You; Therefore I retract, And I repent in dust and ashes." (NASB, from Job 42)

 Or phrased another way...

“I’m convinced: You can do anything and everything. Nothing and no one can upset your plans. You asked, ‘Who is this muddying the water, ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing my purposes?’ I admit it. I was the one. I babbled on about things far beyond me, made small talk about wonders way over my head. You told me, ‘Listen, and let me do the talking. Let me ask the questions. You give the answers.’ I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears! I’m sorry—forgive me. I’ll never do that again, I promise! I’ll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor.” (The Message, from Job 42)

Thanks to Anna for her photos of Old Faithful.

in which I "think with my fingers" about an article titled "Why Millennials are leaving the Church"

One recent morning at church, we were challenged not to "turn moments of ministry to moments of anger because [we] make everything about self..."**

Additionally, we heard: 

...relationships of unity and understanding are not rooted in emotion or romance {or nostalgia or any of the other "feel-good" emotions}... rather they are rooted in worship.**

And then recently, I read: 

Human beings by their very nature are worshipers. Worship is not something we do; it defines who we are. You cannot divide human beings into those who worship and those who don’t. Everybody worships; it’s just a matter of what, or whom, we serve.” ~Paul David Tripp

Ouch!

That first (the subsequent as well, but particularly the first) statement touches about every single relationship in and aspect of my life... if I let myself think about it and even a fraction of the implications in daily life.

While thinking about those quotes, I read an article entitled "Why Millennials are Leaving the Church..."

I see articles like that and they concern me. There's a tendency (at least in my circles) to dismiss - because of knowing of the author, knowing of that individual's perspective and of knowing that there's many areas of disagreement... But then again, I think I really should pay attention - not to determine the right or the wrong of what has been written but to get at the heart of the problem as the younger generation perceives it. I've got children who qualify as millennials - I think it is worth my effort to understand, not so that I can debate the right or the wrong, but to better prepare me for parenting my rapidly maturing and growing up young'uns.

Words like these make me start asking myself hard questions (all quotes are from the article) ~

"...young adults perceive evangelical Christianity to be too political, too exclusive, old-fashioned, unconcerned with social justice and hostile to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people."

"...young evangelicals often feel they have to choose between their intellectual integrity and their faith, between science and Christianity, between compassion and holiness." 

"...the evangelical obsession with sex can make Christian living seem like little more than sticking to a list of rules, and how millennials long for faith communities in which they are safe asking tough questions and wrestling with doubt." 

"...church-as-performance is just one more thing driving us away from the church, and evangelicalism in particular." 

"What millennials really want from the church is not a change in style but a change in substance... an end to the culture wars... a truce between science and faith... to be known for what we stand for, not what we are against... to ask questions that don’t have predetermined answers... churches that emphasize an allegiance to the kingdom of God over an allegiance to a single political party or a single nation... friends to feel truly welcome in our faith communities... to be challenged to live lives of holiness, not only when it comes to sex, but also when it comes to living simply, caring for the poor and oppressed, pursuing reconciliation, engaging in creation care and becoming peacemakers." 

"You can’t hand us a latte and then go about business as usual and expect us to stick around. We’re not leaving the church because we don’t find the cool factor there; we’re leaving the church because we don’t find Jesus there."

My first tendency, frankly, is to "amen" whole-heartedly because that bold-faced quote at the end is what I want my church to be, that is what I'm striving for as I pray and serve and work and minister. But then I must ponder: "How is it that the church, my church, is failing to communicate this goal, that this message is at their heart as well, to millennials and others?" I take heed, because I've heard similar sentiments, coming from the youth with whom I've worked and from my own becoming young adults.

I'm asking the Lord to show me if perhaps I am, and my church is, missing moments of ministry because others only perceive our disapproval and anger at sin (which sin rightfully should remain offensive to us) rather than a genuine challenge to live a holy life in every domain. 

Is it possible that I communicate a greater weight of importance centering on emotions and impressions and traditions of what's always done rather than worshipful service to the Almighty and relationships?

What do you think?

What other questions should I be asking?

How do we confront the precious people of the millennial generation with their sin, need for a Savior and His sacrificial gift as well as His daily sustaining grace? How do I grow so that my words and action communicate authentic worship and service, even when perspectives and understandings are different?

Any ideas?

**I think the opening quotes are by Paul David Tripp, but I didn't catch (or write down) the name.

Updating ! What's up with these kids of ours: Brendan

Ok, I'm gonna start off right up front and tell you that I'm totally biased and cannot think objectively about this boy. He's a good one and I'm so excited for the doors God is opening in his life and the future he has before him.

God has done a really good job raising this kid, many times in spite of his parents. And although I'm so totally not objective, I KNOW I'm not the only one who thinks that. I've been told too many times, now, for it to be a total fluke.

On June 6, 2013, Lord willing, he'll receive his high school diploma and then be headed off into a brave new-to-him world. Just a few days after graduation, our family boards a plane to Scotland for about a week of vacation. Then we climb back on a plane, hop back over to the American side of that big water, sleep a bit and do bunches of laundry before squeezing into a van (that we've yet to purchase) to drive cross country for our niece's wedding. We hope to visit the Grand Canyon on our way out there!

After that? Hopefully our schedule will relax as we meander our way back to Michigan, trying to stop and visit a few sites along the way and also enjoying our time together as a family.

Lots of folks have asked about Brendan's plans for next year. He has been accepted at Messiah College, Toccoa Falls and Michigan State University. He is proceeding with plans to attend Messiah, study Environmental Science and then see where God leads from there.  It doesn't seem like that many years since Tim and I were making our own plans to begin our university studies. Hardly seems long enough that our son now is... but as we talk and listen to him, it calms our hearts to know that he is ready, even when he fears that he's not.

The rest of us? Well, I'm beginning to see that it just might be a harder transition on the family as a whole than it is on Brendan himself. He recently was gone for a week, spending time and doing all sorts of neat activities with his classmates. Before he came back, Jonathan was badgering us incessantly as to when he'd return, Elsie Mae was in tears asking for him and Rebekah was posting on Facebook about how he was no longer permitted to leave for college. His presence around our family is never taken for granted - and not just because he dumps the trash and takes out the compost.

Brendan is one of those steady, reliable kids. He's patient (most of the time) with his siblings, he's obedient (most of the time... except when he decides to work on his time table instead of the family's) doing what he's been asked to do and doing it well, he's calm and self-disciplined (except for when he's got a new computer game or he's screaming like a girl to make the rest of us laugh); he just tends to be consistently consistent.

He's not afraid of hard work - even if it isn't in the top 5 on his favorite list. He's great to jump right in when there's a job to be done- particularly when he knows it is his responsibility, and complete it in a timely manner and with a positive attitude. That's the case even when there's something else he'd rather do.

He has an air of maturity about him that not many 17 year old guys have. Talking with him, even when I think he's full of hot air, I'm still almost always impressed with his thoughtful reasoning, carefully chosen words and most-of-the-time humility. As I told one of my friends the other day, it really isn't scary to think about him heading off to school next year because I know he is ready and I believe he wants to follow the Lord, do right and be the best he can be. Thus, it makes it easy to celebrate this milestone with him. It doesn't, however, make it any easier to imagine next year without having to chase him out of the bathroom so we can make it to school on time most mornings. I'm going to miss him. A lot.

One of the things I love most about Brendan is his smile. (I also love that his favorite color is green, just as it is mine, but that is a really superficial and inconsequential thing to love about someone!) Most of the time, when you look at this guy, he looks happy... content... at peace... calm... or even bemused by something known only to him. I love that he finds his siblings entertaining and fun to be around. I wasn't that kind of older sibling when I was his age, so I'm thinking he picked up that characteristic from his dad. We often joke and say that Brendan inherited the best traits of each of us: he has my drive to be the best he can be without being so competitive; he has his daddy's skills with people and gentle spirit, generally without becoming complacent.

He's a mostly good student; my only complaint is that he likes to procrastinate and put things off until the last minute, barely pulling through when the pressure is on. He's convinced he works better that way and I have little space to discuss this issue and encourage him to do differently for I often do the same myself. I love that he loves to learn and that he is a self-motivated, probably forever student. That's why he's taught himself some Irish, how to play the recorder and several different types of folk flutes, lots about archery and falconry and is an aficionado of all things about the medieval British Isles. 

He's enjoyed volunteering at a local orphanage for the last many years as we've been in Niger... in fact, I think he's been going since he was old enough to start accompanying the group that goes every week. He seems to thoroughly enjoy the kids and they seem to appreciate him as well. I love to hear him rattling away in French with them. I know the leaders of that group depend on his French skills to communicate with the folks at the orphanage.

I also know he hasn't enjoyed teaching Sunday School at our church nearly as much - not that he didn't like the kids. He clearly felt the weight of the responsibility to teach others about Jesus, and he wanted to do the best he could. He impressed me week after week with the efforts he put into preparation. Our pastor's wife was very appreciative of his consistent faithfulness and continual effort to make sure each one of those kids had the opportunity to hear about Jesus and His love for them.

Sahel Academy has changed a lot in the years that Brendan has been a student. In the pictures below, you can see most of his graduating class: a few students are not present and a few others have moved away since that photo was taken, but his class represents students from several different home countries, cultures, backgrounds and religions. It has been neat to see them come together as a class this year and work through some really huge hurdles. They've had to fight together to make their senior year something special and they have succeeded. Brendan genuinely cares about and appreciated each one of this great group of kids.

He reads about like he breathes - and the genre changes depending on his mood. But his favorites tend to be historical fiction or fantasy. In fact, it is hard to imagine him without a book (or three or five) in hand. He loves the fact that the school librarian has him preread new books to determine their appropriateness and rating. I think she appreciates his voracious reading habits and his level-headed evaluations of the different tomes he reads.

He adores games of strategy: chess, card games like spades and rook, Risk, Diplomacy, etc. Even as I type, he's in the midst of a game out in the living room with some of his buddies from school. He does have a hard time saying no - to others as well as to himself. When something seem like it would be fun, he'll try and figure out a way to squeeze it into his life, even if there are earlier obligations, better priorities or more appropriate ways to spend his time.

Brendan loves to be outside, mucking around down by the river, climbing trees, harassing the animals, playing softball or volleyball, canoeing, sliding down enormous sand dunes or just sitting around a campfire talking and enjoying the amazing stars. He finds our cats amusing; entertained by their cat-likeness and unique personalities. He makes a pretty mean dog food (just ask Butterscotch and Beethoven) and a pretty awesome beef stroganoff (just ask the two legged members of his family). His pie crusts are phenomenal and perhaps even more remarkable? He can bake bread, without any help from his mom or Nadia!

 

He takes his responsibility as a role model and a big brother seriously. He wants to be a good friend. He sometimes talks about his struggles to remain a friend to those who've moved away or to those he's left behind when he's moved: it is so much easier for him to live in the moment with the people who are right there. They say that is often a characteristic of TCKs. I know that is one area where he hopes to see himself improve... to learn how to keep investing in at least a few of those friends, even if they aren't right there and able to hang out as often.

He's a talker, debater, discusser... I know because we've spent many a late night engaged in those sorts of conversations. He isn't afraid to ask hard questions and he wants to know why people tick... why they do and think the way they do. He, himself, has strong opinions, usually well founded and well developed, regarding what is right and what is wrong and he isn't afraid to defend his position. Yet he shows remarkable sensitivity and maturity in so doing. He is equally passionate about his need to do so graciously and respectfully, trying not to needlessly offend or hurt another person by careless or insensitive words in the process.

There are so many things I appreciate about this guy. Perhaps one of the things I love the most is how willing he is to accept and include people who challenge him... even who frighten him a little... with their differing ideas. He is fiercely loyal - continually encouraging me by his example to think the best of people and to continue thinking the best until I find out beyond any shadow of a doubt that something less than the best is the truth. Even then, he remains lovingly loyal to his friends, while attempting to not compromise what he knows to be right for the sake of that friendship. He's not only willing to ask some hard questions of himself, he's willing to gently ask the hard questions of the people he loves and cares for. He is always reminding me to examine my motives.

It really is pretty cool to gaze across the room and watch this boy that was once a babe in my arms and know that he's becoming a young man of God, worthy of my admiration, respect and confidence. I don't think he's perfect. In fact, I know he's going to make mistakes and probably blow it pretty majorly at times. But I do trust the One he has asked to be the Master of his life to walk with him and his parents (and eventually his other significant others) through those difficult moments... and that the man who emerges on the other side will be even more like his Lord...

Some ideas of how you can pray for wonderful young man ~ 

1. Pray he makes wise decisions regarding time investments and priorities over the next several months and as he transitions into college. And don't stop praying after the worst of that transition is behind him... My most challenging years at school were my 2nd and 3rd...
2. Pray that he learns to embrace the strengths of what makes him TCK-unique while seeing the weaknesses and tendencies that impede his forward progress. He wants to understand himself. Pray that God gives him that knowledge.
3. Pray for diligence and focus this last marking period as he finishes up two on line courses, applies for scholarships and financial aid, and prepares to graduate.
4. Pray that our trip to Scotland will be as much fun for him as he hopes it will be - that it really will be an amazing opportunity and a dream come true.
5. Pray that he is able to sustain those important friendships as he leaves the African continent, and that he is able to renew special ones he's already established back in the States.
6. Pray for godly influences in his life: other men and women, wiser and older who can come alongside his daddy and mama and help him truly grow into a mighty but humble servant of God, followers of Jesus who model for him what it means to live in the freedom of grace and to truly love others the way that God would have him to love.
7. Pray for guidance, wisdom and liberty to talk and share his heart with us, his parents, as he continues to make life-impacting decisions and transitions into a new and exciting season of his life. We want to continually know better our precious gift from God. We want to disciple him well...