11 April 2011

Multitude Monday - 1000 Gifts ~ when what I once deemed safe no longer completely feels that way

secure… protected… out of harm’s way… not dangerous… harmless… sheltered… cozy… cushy… unexposed… cosseted… bubble-like… risk-free… nontoxic… undamaging… privileged… secluded…
My kiddos came up with some of these ideas:
"...where you can get snuggles and kisses and always find a lap to sit on."
"...with my family."
"...pinching Mama's face."
"...on an airplane because it is the closest I can get to God in Heaven."
"...where you are vulnerable, but don't feel exposed or in danger."
And my favorite:
"...where you can kick your shoes off and not worry about what might happen, what someone might say, what someone might think...or losing your shoes because someone runs off with them."
(I wholeheartedly agree!)

What makes you feel safe… or any of those other “synonyms” for safe?
I know where I'm supposed to find my safety... my refuge... but it tends to not be the first place I run.
I tend to run for
  • a place - my home, the arms of my husband, my baby who loves to "pinch my face," my intuition, my bed with the current book, my computer, a hot shower, my favorite blogs...
  • a person - my husband, my family, a friend, Facebook or Yahoo Messenger...
  • a practice - something that is familiar, routine that comforts like making bread, chopping onions (I can cry and no one asks why), folding laundry, sipping tea or drinking a Coke...
  • prayer - whether spoken or written...
That last one? Prayer? It sounds pretty good. It sounds like the right thing. After all, isn't the Almighty my Provider, Redeemer, Savior, Father, Good Teacher, plus so much more? It would seem the right practice, His Presence the best place... after all, He IS the One and Only Person.

Reality, however? Those prayers are often mostly all about me, my needs, my wants, my frustrations, my fears and phobias and very little about
  1. listening and waiting to hear Him speak... or whisper... or remain silent,
  2. resting in His presence,
  3. allowing Him to comfort and care,
  4. saying a thankful "Yes," to all that is His will for my life, and
  5. moving confidently and trustingly forward by faith.
These days, I'm trying to thank the Lord for insecurity in my life... for those times when He allows part, or perhaps even all, on which I've founded my security to rumble and shake and tremble until I rest on what alone remains unshakeable.

this week's gratitude list:
#975 insecurity ~ what I once deemed safe no longer completely feels that way
#976 recent times when my husband has not been able to "fix it" for me
#977 moments when my friends can't (and shouldn't) meet my expectations
#978 kids that I can't pretend to understand even most of the time
#979 internet service that is less than reliable
#980 the reminder this week that relationships are important and eternal... not things
#981 thinking and remembering that there is One relationship that is everything... and opens the door for enjoying to the fullest all those other relationships
#982 surprise rains
#983 cooler mornings
#985 the joy of loving Thursdays
#986 brave and gracious parents of students
#987 brave and gracious students
#988 pumpkin muffins with marshmallow treats hidden inside
#989 learning to soak grains and not meeting with immediate success
#990 being intrigued by learning how to use sour dough
#991 the challenge to make the grocery budget work
#992 Friday afternoon and not sharing the pool because we were the only ones there
#993 son off with friends at a "fasting retreat"
#994 feeling bad forcing me to slow down and rest before heading into the mad rush for the end of the school year
#995 walls stretching above my head
#996 thinking through plumbing, electrical and all sorts of other such questions
#997 seeing our house take shape
#998 watching the workers laugh at our children when we come to visit
#999 mid-week donuts to share
#1000 generous partners who belive in the power of the "Inspired Word" to change the lives of many... willing to sacrifice and help make it possible for many to hear as it goes out over the airwaves...

#1001 reaching the goal and knowing I will continue on, as long as He gives breath because He gives... and gives... and gives...

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