Multitude Monday - 1000 Gifts ~ How does your garden grow?

My husband preached Sunday morning at our church here in Niamey.

If I ever wondered whether or not God was working in our lives, the very fact that my favorite techie guy - the one who chose audio-visual ministries because he wanted to serve but he really didn't want to be the one up in front, the same one who delights in making those up in front look and sound good - willingly preaches in a second language on a regular basis is one of those things that helps convince me. Those of you who are friends of ours, who've known him for a long time - certainly you can say the same thing!

And a total aside... one of his favorite Zarma words is the word for preacher - "waazuko!" ...grin!

He used an illustration in his sermon that I didn't appreciate so much at the time (partly because I was being mauled by my 3-year old, had little Salamatou trying to hold my hand all while I was trying (and doing a poor job) to translate the service into English for my niece. It made an impact on one of the ladies, though, when I saw her today and we spent a little bit of time talking.

She was talking about one of the other ladies in the church who had promised to come to Bible study last Saturday - and didn't, because she had a family reunion. Today in the eyes of my friend, this other lady betrayed her church family showing loyalty to and choosing her Muslim earthly family first.

I've been encouraging these ladies with what the Bible has to say about judging one another and talking about each other behind their backs (i.e. slander and gossip)... and although I don't have the Zarma vocabulary to really try and redirect the conversation when this sort of thing starts... I'm just barely grasping enough of the language to have a small idea of what is actually being discussed... I did manage to communicate my discomfort today when the conversation took this turn - and by the Lord's grace, it must have been perceived in a culturally appropriate way or this lady was willing to extend me a ton of grace because all of the sudden, she stopped talking and started to laugh gregariously and contagiously like only she can.

Then she said (a very, very rough translation), "Don't worry. I did hear Pasteur Tim yesterday. He talked about how different trees grow in different ways and different speeds. I need to trust that God is helping this ladies' roots to grow, even if I can't see it."

Tim was preaching about spiritual health (which is the theme for the church this year) - and as part of his introduction, he talked about 4 different trees we planted in our yard when we moved into our house last September. One has grown several feet in height, has many broad leaves, and already gives the kids shade when they want to play underneath it. Two other trees, the same type, and while one appears to be thriving and is growing; the other looks healthy, has green leaves and buds for more, but has only grown a very tiny bit bigger (we think) and yet the two have received the same treatment: twice daily watering and regular fertilizing (the natural sort). The final tree we planted is a lemon tree - and it doesn't look any different than it did when we put it in the ground 7 months ago. It hasn't withered up and died, but it certainly hasn't exhibited any signs of robust health.

I think part of Tim's point was spiritual growth isn't always flamboyant and overwhelmingly evident to those just looking on - and we have to be careful of judging the spiritual health of others simply because we don't see exponential growth or change. Sometimes roots are pushing way down deep before exterior signs of growth become evident.

Based on my conversation with my friend today - I think she is starting to grasp that idea. I wonder if God just might use that new-found-still-beginning-comprehension to change the flavor of our ladies' group at church. I'm certainly praying that way.

this week's gratitude list

(#s 2168 - 2193)

testimonies of truth taking root

finding humor in the different sound combinations of a different language

Monday mornings at the pool

Life lessons from Winnie the Pooh

Women of Faith video conference - and seeing Angie Smith speak... after following her blog for so long, it was neat to finally see her in almost-real-life!

yummy cinnamon rolls at that conference - and then strawberry shortcake for dessert after lunch

thinking through the story of Gideon once again

Gideon's blunt and honest heart-cry question in Judges 6.13

burgers and fries birthday party with a chocolate cake disguised as a monster burger, homemade vanilla ice cream, a super sweet 19 year old birthday girl and great friends with whom to celebrate

accident that became an effective object lesson

getting to bed at a reasonable hour...

which meant feeling like actually crawling out of bed the next morning

our new and up-coming videographer - can't wait to share the video she captured of tonight's horseback riding lesson

surprising cool Saturday morning, a petite break from the oppressive heat of this season

friends in town for the week - meaning a nearby playmate for our little man and an excuse to go out for a dinner date later this week

m&m quotable quotes that keep me laughing

smurf jokes

kids who can cook... and I mean they can really cook!!!

short order chef enjoying his job

punting when directed by the Holy Spirit

listening to another pray from a humble heart

slow but steady progress

finally finishing a hard, sobering - even if not exactly what I first expected - read: Girl Soldier

amazing moon on Saturday night... Why didn't I snap any photos?

watching our garden grow - and looking forward to and trusting that someday our lemon tree will produce!

a Gospel big enough to boldly call sin sin, even when the sinner is one who seeks to follow Jesus: "The gospel isn’t just the door to the Christian life, but the sustaining and enduring power for the Christian life. We depend upon the gospel to the end, trusting that it is big enough to account even for those sins we commit after receiving the Lord’s saving grace. We don’t have to pretend that Christians do not sin and that some even sin in big and public ways...."

 

She's our Anna-lu-la

Our Anna is our shy, most introverted one ~ and extroverted activities, like school, have always been harder for her than for the other kids.

Ever since she was a tiny tike (i.e. only months old), she has always been happiest with her entire family close by... like in the car, all within arm's reach... literally.

People who best know our family from hanging out with us around our house or at the pool (places where she is super comfortable) are often surprised by the huge difference when she is in a less comfortable social setting.

Just ask Andi,

as she has spent some time helping out in Anna's class as school this past year.

She's remarked more that Anna-at-school has surprised her.

So, when our sending organization began the dissolution process last August and we realized we needed to have all of our kids at the same school for both financial and logistical reasons (and it meant a big, uncomfortable change for Anna).

Here is a picture of Anna's class this year (scavenged from Facebook... in fact, all of these photos are ones I've "collected" from Facebook, I do believe).

While not easy, it has been a good year for Anna.

She's been forced to grow, make new friends, try new things, change some bad habits...

Our gal who struggles with dysgraphia has grown to love writing. She's been writing her own very dramatic story about a blind gal and horses. We hope to start "publishing" installments here on the blog soon, for your reading enjoyment.

She enjoys her independent French class with a Swiss classmate. The gal's mother graciously helps Anna along.

But if you ask Anna her favorite part of school this year, it is her teacher.

God's always showing us His care for our family

in the wonderful teachers He provides for us,

 often times more perfect for a particular child

than we could have imagined in our wildest dreams.

That really ministers to this mama's heart...

Anna's only complaint about Mrs. Rupnow is that she is too focused sometimes,

and no matter how hard they try,

her class can't sidetrack her until the work that needs to be done is done!

Next year, Anna will move into 7th grade and home school with her mama... don't think I'll be able to compare with her lovely teacher this year (after all, I am just "the mama"),

but I'm thankful for all the hard work that has been done this year as Anna has already transitioned into English schoolwork.

And we're looking forward to continuing to work with Mrs. Rupnow - she's scheduled to teach Elsie Mae's class next year.

Elsie Mae just smiled really, really big when we told her that.

JUST CURIOUS: How many of you out there know our family well enough to know where the nickname "Anna-lu-la" comes from?

Wordless Wednesday ~ Yep, it's another one... 10 years later...

July, 2001



December, 2011



Top ? Reasons You Know It's Hot Season

A friend of mine just recently posted this on Facebook (thanks, Beth S!)... it is her second hot season in Niamey (which has the dubious distinction of being the hottest capital city in the world - or so I've been told.)

So, for a bit of perspective... and a good laugh... 

• You consider refrigerating your child’s bath water so she doesn’t complain about the tap water being too hot.
• I’ve heard of wipe warmers… anyone know where I co...uld get a wipe cooler?
• You start to wonder if major psychological changes happen when your external environment is consistently higher than normal body temperature.
• Your high-tech camera shuts down and gives you the following error message: “Too Hot.”
• Bedtime: Instead of snuggling with your sweetheart, you opt for a block of blue ice wrapped in a pillowcase.
• Your rubber bands in the desk drawer melt into a big blob. Bummer! One more non-food item that has to be refrigerated…
• Your air conditioner keeps turning off because it’s overheating.
• Not only do you let you child sleep with a sippy cup, but, “Here! Have two, or three, and don’t forget to check to make sure they’re all empty before you call me for a refill!”
• Your temperature-sensitive infant spoons tell you your silverware drawer is too hot for your baby’s mouth.
• You try to think of places to go in the car to have an excuse to sit right in front of an air conditioning vent.
• Everyone asks if your children have a skin disease – you want to just put a sign on each child that says something like “Diagnosis: Heat rash; Cure: Cooler temperatures in a couple of months.”
• Your elastic waistbands start to feel considerably loser, not because you’re losing weight but because the elastic is melting.
• You get creative in starting to freeze items such as pillows, blankies, and snuggle bears before bedtime. You know you’re in trouble, as you’re distributing frozen snuggle bears, when your two-year-old asks you to, “Make my diaper cold!”

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(Photo credit - Once again, I don't know... short term folks who travel through or serve for shorter time generously share their photos with us...  We've been going through old disks and the one containing these photos was only labeled "Assorted pictures, Niger - people.")

Multitude Monday - 1000 Gifts ~ "Learn till the soil gets in your ears"

We watched a movie the other night...

... about a really cool old guy from Kenya, named Kimani Maruge.

An 84 year old farmer living in a mud shack in poor village, former Mau Mau fighter, ex prisoner of war, lame widower... What he wanted most of all, though, was to be a student; he wanted to learn how to read. So he persuades a teacher at the local primary school to allow him join her class as a student.

One of the things that the movies only barely, whisperingly touches is that his longing to read is a craving to dive into God's Word for himself, no longer dependent on sermons or others to read for him.

Kimani Maruge died in 2009; 89 years old and in 6th grade. He certainly lived what he preached (at least according to the movie): "Learn till the soil gets in your ears."

I pray every day for a heart that is thankful that I still have opportunity to learn, that longs to study and grow, and one that remains gentle and teachable, even when the lessons I need to learn are long, hard and painful ones.

this week's gratitude list

(#s 2141 - 2167)

long, hard, painful lessons

the joy and challenge of teaching Algebra

watching kiddos figure out that fractions are friendlier than that first thought

electric and internet at the same time

pile of papers completely graded and recorded

chili dogs and movie night at the school

seeing a dear friend smile

first day of swim lessons

another accident, seeing God's hand of protection

giggles with big girls

Tuesday off

nems and rice delivered for dinner

Henri's sermons - he delivers some one-line zingers

the report that family is helping my recently widowed aunt

three hippos down by the bridge

pouring rain on one side of the river, nothing but a few scattered drops on the other... how does God cause that to happen

Saturday morning breakfast and shopping

m&m floating away and blowing bubbles in her tube

realizing that Bren taught the Jon-man to swim, Rebekah coached Elsie Mae and now Nadia's making fabulous progress working with the littlest tike

littlest tike's sparkly blue eyes and matching sparkly personality

continued progress at literacy class... the goal is in sight

my girls discovering The Little Princess

anticipating a birthday party this weekend

looking forward to Bible study coming up this weekend... and an actual day off to prepare!

halfway through our hottest time of the year... counting down the weeks until the rains should (hopefully) arrive

sleeping in

negative-for-infection lab results 

Tearing Down High Places, Part II

Recently, I shared how I came to realize that I had, in a very real sense, set myself and our marriage up as a “high place” for my husband. Although I never would have said it, nor probably even thought it, the Holy Spirit showed me that my hurt, angry and bitter response to my husband’s need for God – instead of turning to me – as he wandered through the home-going of his mother unequivocally confirmed that truth in my heart.

God Himself stated that it was not good for the man to be alone – and He made that statement in the perfection of the Garden where God served as Adam’s company and companion. In that perfect moment, a time before sin became a part of the equation, God not only gave Adam (and the rest of us) permission to desire and need human companionship… fellowship… community… with someone who was not God – He ordained it! Yet week after week, we sing beautiful, heart-stirring worship songs about intimacy and relationship with the Lord being our “all in all;” that He’s “more than enough.” How do we reconcile these two?

...and please join me over at Missionary Moms to read the rest...

Am I my brother - or sister's keeper?

How's that for a Bible study question?

The women all yattered and chattered for a few minutes in Zarma; they were giving nonverbal signals making me think that their answer was about to be, "NO!" I wasn't surprised. :-) But I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself.

I had wanted to jump off a bit from where we'd finished in our previous study - on two counts: 

1. We'd made the point that there were many Biblical principles that applied to marriage - but outside the commands to love, respect and stay married... marriage wasn't a simple (or even complicated) formula where we put in predetermined values for all the variables and the result was a God-honoring marriage.  Sometimes, the very best person to tell a wife how to be a good wife was the husband to whom she is married.
2. In a round about way, this prompted a question from one of the ladies: What do you do when you try and give someome well-intentioned advice, teach them something that is just plain good sense... and your advice is rejected... or you are rejected as being judgmental?

So I started off today's study reminding the ladies of these two points and then asked- with those thoughts in mind, do you think it is really possible that a pastor, another woman, your mom, your father-in-law, etc., can give you good ideas about how to be a better wife to your husband? Their answer was an emphatic absolutely not!

And I asked the ladies to consider two perspectives: 

• Pretend you are the person "sitting in the hot seat" (Hot seat is an English idiomatic expression - so we first had to develop the idea and vocabulary so I could use it. It actually worked quite well, as it is hot season -and all of these ladies had, at one time or another, sat on a metal chair that had been baking in the sun or heat, or they had climbed into a taxi/other vehicle with vinyl seats that had been cooking for awhile. Needless to say, they clearly grasped the idea that sitting in the hot seat meant being in a position that could range from being uncomfortable to being downright painful or even cause injury.) So, I asked the ladies to pretend they were the ones sitting in the hot seat - someone comes to them and essentially says, "You are doing this wrong," or "I believe you are making this mistake." Do you like it when someone comes to you to confront you - even if they do it gently? Why or why not? NO ONE DID - and their response was essentially - it isn't their business, because they can't understand what it is like to walk in my shoes, and they shouldn't be judging me.
• Pretend you are the person doing the confronting. Do you like to go to someone and tell them that what they are doing is wrong, or doesn't make sense? EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE LADIES (a group of 6) FELT THAT WAS A GOOD PLACE TO BE, AND ENJOYED FILLING THAT ROLE OF CORRECTING SOMEONE ELSE. When I asked why, they said they liked to be seen as the person in authority or the one with the "know-how."

{While thankful for their transparent truthfulness, these responses almost left me speechless...

*as I wondered if they recognized the hypocrisy their replies exposed.

*as I wondered where in my life the same sort of hypocrisy is so glaringly evident to others

...but I didn't address any of that, at least not immediately.}

The next thing I said was, "Do you know that there is a person in the Bible that asks God a question very similar to what we are talking about right now? Am I supposed to look out for potential pitfalls, and then warn or prevent a brother or sister from falling in to them? Is that my responsibility?"

Then I said, "This person asked God, 'Am I my brother's keeper?"

After a few seconds of silence, I then asked: "Who knows what Bible character asked this question, and under what circumstances it was said?"

No one knew, so I turned to Genesis 4 (in my Zarma Bible - YAY!) and read them the story of Cain and Abel, and asked that question... you know, the one with which I started this post:

"What do you think? Are we the keepers of our brothers and sisters, particularly in the context of our church family and community?" They weren't sure what they thought.

So we went to an Old Testament passage that talks a bit about relationships within the Israelite community:

Nor shall you glean your vineyard, nor shall you gather the fallen fruit of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the needy and for the stranger. I am the LORD your God. You shall not steal, nor deal falsely, nor lie to one another. ‘You shall not swear falsely by My name, so as to profane the name of your God; I am the LORD. You shall not oppress your neighbor, nor rob him.The wages of a hired man are not to remain with you all night until morning. You shall not curse a deaf man, nor place a stumbling block before the blind, but you shall revere your God; I am the LORD. You shall do no injustice in judgment; you shall not be partial to the poor nor defer to the great, but you are to judge your neighbor fairly. You shall not go about as a slanderer among your people, and you are not to act against the life of your neighbor; I am the LORD. You shall not hate your fellow countryman in your heart; you may surely reprove your neighbor, but shall not incur sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD. (Leviticus 19.9-18)

As we slowly read through this passage and talked about it in little chunks, our  purpose was not a legalistic, to the letter obedience today of what the Lord gave as Old Testament law to the nation of Israel many years ago. Rather, we talked about it more generally:

- Why did He includ things like this in His instructions to His people?

- Why He would want us to learn about this today, in our time and our generation, since we know that all things written in His Word are there to help us?

- What in the world did He mean by some of these statements ("you are to judge your neighbor fairly" and "you may surely reprove your neighbor" in the same context of a passage that says "you shall love your neighbor as yourself")?

- How do we practically apply some of these prinicples in our relationships now... today, tomorrow and the next day?

Some really lovely thoughts came from this discussion. The ladies talked about

1. leaving some for those who have less than themselves (remember we're talking about some of the poorest of the poor, in the entire world here);
2. making sure we give others their due or what we've promised them promptly - any delay is injust;
3. determining who is poor, who is an outsider - and targeting those people so that we can specifically share with them; and
4. when a brother or sister is sinning, we do have responsibility to go to them... and as was said in the French... to "reknot" them back into the community.

I particularly found it interesting that slander and insult - or using words to injure - was in the same verse and context as acting in a way that would endanger another person's life. Slander is Satan's tool - he is the one who stands before the Lord accusing us and seeking to dirty the white robes the blood of Christ has earned for all who've trusted in Him. When I vilify, malign, smear or speak ill of another person, I imitate the Accuser.

As we concluded, we all agreed that at least in some context, we are charged to be keepers of our brothers and sisters - to help keep guard that those around us do not stray from following the Lord.

And, as the ladies all said, they like to be in that position...

So I asked them - Can anyone be in the position of keeper or restorer if there aren't others in the position of straying? In their language, from earlier in our discussion, to be the one correcting, there must also be someone in the proverbial hot seat.

I proposed to the ladies that the best "correctors" and restorers would be the ones who had first learned to humbly and graciously accept correction while sitting in that hot seat...

...they would be the ones inclined to approach humbly and brokenly instead of from  an elevated position with wagging fingers and furious words...

I believe we all left Bible study that afternoon with much to think and pray about ~

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(Photo credit - I don't know... short term folks who travel through or serve for shorter time generously share their photos with us...  We've been going through old disks and the one containin these photos was only labeled "Assorted pictures, Niger - people"- but had some lovely photos of Nigerien women.)

5 Minute Friday ~ Community

Joining up with Lisa Jo today, @ Gypsy Mama, for 5 Minute Friday.

In her words "...let’s spend our five minutes of writing today, sharing about community. Fight it, love it, hate it, hurt or healed by it, we were certainly built for it.

Set a timer and just write. Don’t worry about making it just right or not.

Go all in with your words.

Are you ready?"

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

Community

GO!

I've been thinking a lot about community lately.

It started when I started leading a Bible study on Biblical marriage a few months back and  these words jumped right off the page...

"It is not good for the man to be alone... there was not found a helper suitable for him."

Sure, the context is marriage - but even in the perfection of the Garden, when fellowship was sweet and unhindered before man sinned and separated himself from God, God declared that people would need people - first family and then in larger communities.

Did you know that the word translated community appears something like 200 times in the Bible?

Family is our first community... God chose Abraham and his family. Then God grew that family into a large community.

A community that worshipped together, ate together, wept together, laughed together, played together, grumbled together, sinned together, traveled together, witnessed together, covenented together, prayed together, sacrificed together, were forgiven together, were disciplined together, hurt together, hurt each other together, created together, built together. conquered together, fled together, gathered manna together, trusted together...

They were a marvelous, magnificent mess - impossible to live without, nearly impossible to live with - but together they were God's people

I think, in general, the Nigeriens I know "do" community better than we westerners do. We like our privacy and our individualism a bit too much.

A united community striving for the same goal is a pretty formidable thing to encounter. I found out first had when the teachers at the French school our mission runs decided to strike...

In Hebrew, the word translated community often refered to a specially convoked, or called together, congregation, assembly, horde, multitude, to learn and hear from God - isn't it kind of amazing to think that God places us in different communities because we all need to hear the same message... learn the same lesson

Before time runs out (oops... just looked... it already has - but I really wanna finish this thought!), you know what is one of my favorite "community" verses?

One ordinance shall be both for you of the congregation,

and also for the stranger that sojourneth with you,

an ordinance for ever in your generations: as ye are,

so shall the stranger be before the LORD.

(Number 15.15)

...that verse is God reminding this introvert, who, while she appreciates community, can also find them exhausting and is way too quick to say, "Ok, that's enough!" Community, however should remain open, always ready, arms wide to accept whatever stranger longing to find a place, to become a part and enter in together...

God is bringing us along together, in community, on this journey ever closer to His heart.

STOP! (yes... I know... a bit late!)

(Photo was given to us several years ago by missionary friends here in Niger - it it one o my favorites!)

This is just too much fun!

Wouldn't you just love to have one of these sitting in your living room?

Talk about your conversation piece!

Ok... well... it probably won't ever happen and it is a little frivolous

(Truly, it is probably a lot frivolous - I have no idea

how much something like this would cost,

but I can imagine).

I still think it is super fun and quite creative!

Head on over to Freshome to see other fun or interesting -

depending on your perspective - artistic table creations.

Wordless Wednesday ~ 10 years later...



July, 2001



August, 2011



So what do you do when someone just won't listen to plain "good sense..."

Up until that question, our discussion, like on several previous Saturdays in the past 5 or 6 months, centered on marriage...

• Marriage, created by God in the context of relationship because He knew we'd need each other - is all about glorifying and serving God and is also all about serving another.
• The Bible gives key truths, commandments and principles that apply and we are to follow those.
• There is no formula where we plug in all the variables... or prescription to follow... or one size fits all pagne... for a God-honoring marriage - and sometimes the other best person to tell us wives how to be a good wife to them is our husband.

Then, Mamata, a matriarch who has no problem wearing the shoes of matriarch, hi-jacked Bible study. No joke!

She's a delightul lady, mother of 11 and grandmother of many more. She's a dear-to-me almost 70 year old lady I've gotten to know over the past year as I've been teaching her to read? She is the only believer in her immediate family. Her husband refused to have anything to do with her after she decided to follow Jesus. Her sons left her home in a miserable state of disrepair for several years... a large hole in the roof where rains rushed in during Niger's short monsoon season and the rest of the year dust dumped large deposits that she'd have to sweep out several times daily was proof of her offense. She's been refused food for days at a time, been mocked and excluded... she's had more than a taste of real persecution. But she loves her Jesus, with all of her heart, and she'll exclaim time and time again that she'd do it all over again, time and time again. Her persistance has won her a reluctant acceptance, respect and place back in her family.

This special woman has an amazing memory... for things she's learned orally... she'll often take sermons she's heard, studies in which she's participated... and repreach or reteach them to her family and the other folks who frequent her courtyard.

When Mamata "holds Bible study hostage," I've learned to just roll with things as they happen and listen really hard for Holy Spirit whispers as far as where to go next.

Mamata hijacked Bible study that Saturday about a month ago by giving a very long description of what happens when she shares church or Bible related discussions... both at her concession and with younger women in the church who find it difficult to always make it to Bible study. Then she asked a seemingly simple question:

"So what am I supposed to do when these ladies just won't listen to plain 'good sense?' They tell me I'm judging them and I have no right to do so, that if they are sinning in what they are doing, I am too, in my judgment."

Amina, the pastor's wife and my translator, and the other three ladies sitting there all jerked their heads in my direction. They were all looked at me expectantly...

Yikes! Talk about in over my head. This question was laden with cultural faux pas I don't yet begin to understand... and hard biblical truth for believers much more grown up than I.

At the same time, I recognized this immediately as an opportunity from the Lord. It brought to the surface a huge problem, something I'd hereto avoided, "fearin' to tread" on any toes. This group of ladies is deeply divided. While everyone is polite, smiley, laughs lots and seems very friendly on the surface, much gossip, slanderous thinking, criticism, judging and unteachableness also characterizes them.

Their lives look so different from the outside, but they struggle with many of the same things, the same hateful spirit, that any group of women, anywhere in the world -at least in my experience- must also combat.

This spirit divides instead of unifying and edifying.

It stunts instead of stretching and growing.

It kills relationships instead of giving them life.

It blasphemes instead of honoring, serving and glorifying the name of Christ.

Thankfully, God had already given me a story... and this group of ladies loves a story...

...so I told one.

It wasn't particularly riveting or action packed or even funny,

but it was very personal...

I'd noticed for awhile that a friend of mine had been acting differently towards me, well at least that was how it seemed to me. I wasn't sure why - and I've been known to blow things like that out of proportion, so the first thing I did was search my heart and my memory, asking the Holy Spirit to tell me if I needed to go to that person and ask forgiveness - but He never brought anything to mind. I never was convicted of any sin on my part. All I'd get from the Lord was "Wait and pray." I decided that perhaps it was nothing more my imagination and my own relational insecurity, uncertainty and doubt. The perceived-by-me distance hurt my heart, but I was determined not to take offense, to trust my friend (who'd shown herself worthy of trust), and recognize that other people simply need space and time because of other things going on in their lives and wait.

I hate waiting...

...the ladies all laughed at that. They told me that women from the America are always impatient and very bad at waiting, that we'd be happier people if we learned to wait well.

That time of waiting was a continual mental battle... I really don't like it when I can intuitively sense that things aren't right but don't have a clue what to do about it... and like I said, I'm just not very good at waiting and praying.

That wait finally came to an end when this friend asked if we could get together.

She clarified that there were some things she wanted to talk to me about; I was nervous (who likes to sit in the "hot seat," eh?), but also relieved that at least I'd know what had been going on.

While we were together, my friend gently confronted me.

She told me about something very specific that she saw in my life...

something she was afraid would injure me, affect our friendship and potentially, eventually, hurt my family and ministry....

It concerned her, so much so that she'd been praying about it for a pretty long time.

She didn't call it sin, but in her mind, I was engaging in behavior that could prove dangerous or worse; it was clearly something that didn't make good sense. 

Remember Mamata's hijacking question?

I also disliked being in that position - being told I wasn't following good sense.

I knew I had disappointed. I knew I hadn't measured up. It is hard to know that someone feels like I've done it all wrong, especially when that someone is a person who's perception and wisdom I respect and value. The hardest part of all? The terrible fear that disagreeing will rupture relationship. I didn't want to lose my friend.

Beyond that, much of what my friend had said was true and clearly made good sense, at least most of the time. I wanted to agree with her...

However...

as I then explained... I felt God had placed me right where I was, way in over my head, working beyond what I was capable of doing, serving without margin for this season...

God had asked me to walk this road for a time.

And what could she say?

My friend said as much. After all, how do you respond to someone who says, "I'm pretty confident I'm doing exactly what God wants me to do," especially if there isn't a clear condemnation of their action in the Bible. Who's going to argue with what God has told someone else to do?

She also listened, accepted and trusted. She still couldn't understand. I still don't know if she actually agrees that this might really be the path God wants me to walk for this season. But I felt she committed to support and encourage me during this time, as best as she could, even though...

I shared with the church ladies that I learned much that day-

about confrontation when a clear sin wasn't the issue

but good sense (or personal conviction) was.

And we decided that this was something we should all study together.

This past weekend, we embarked on that study - and I'll be writing about it in a few days.

Pray with me that

• God uses this study to challenge and unify this group of women,
• the power of His Word marks them with the immistakeable love of Jesus, and
• as a result, they finally, mightily, impact their communities and see the power of the Gospel - not just in their own salvation, but working through them and bringing others to salvation.

(Photo credit - I don't know... short term folks who travel through or serve for shorter time generously share their photos with us... all I can remember is a young gal named Faith, working down towards the Burkina border, shared most -if not all- of these photos with us. The first photo was taken by my sister last summer at literacy class.)