This past week I've been corresponding with the administration at the school our kids will attend while we are back in the States for home assignment.
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| Alert... minor dress code violation! |
Dress codes are one of those things I get and don't get... all at the same time.
Parents, not schools or other organizations, are the ones responsible for determining a dress code for their own children. As a parent, I also believe that in general, we can't leave teenagers to independently establish a dress standard that the adults in their lives will deem acceptable. It is not, however, the role of the school to come up with a standard of dress that they think every person needs to follow. I do understand that there needs to be some sort of standard or guidelines - for the sake of uniformity and presenting a collective image as students of the school, but adding a judgmental component: right/wrong or modest/immodest or appropriate/inappropriate is not, I believe, a beneficial position for the school to take. Parents may agree to enforce a school's dress code, but realize that when parents do not "buy into" a particular code, that is all it is - abiding by someone else's externally applied rule because the pros outweigh the cons as far as a child's education is concerned.
Does anyone else find it concerning that parents, in cooperation with schools, then risk teaching legalistic attitudes, that outward outweighs what's happening on the inside, that hypocrisy is justifiable under certain circumstances, that modesty is just about clothing and is concretely and finitely measurable, and that independent of God and in our own strength we can obey the law?
Nevertheless, most student handbooks include a list of dress guidelines comprised of some general statement about clothing being neat, modest and clean followed by a list of all the things that are not allowed (i.e. tank tops, muscle shirts, spaghetti straps, midriffs, cutoffs, etc.). Some schools get even more specific - to the point of measuring how far above or below a knee a skirt slit can be, how low on the hips a pair of pants may permissibly ride or how many fingers wide the strap on a sleeveless shirt must be.Some schools find all these rules to be either burdensome or ridiculous and therefore choose to adopt a school uniform. Acceptable items of clothing are then detailed by the school administration and/or teaching staff and the family must then purchase a minimum number of the approved items so that their children arrive at school appropriately clothes. In local Nigerien schools, when students register, they are given tiny swatches of the uniform colors (i.e. khaki for the bottoms, sky blue for the tops) and directions like skirts for girls, ankle length pants for boys, and shirts must have collars and sleeves. They purchase material, take it to a tailor and have their uniforms made. There is some room for individual style and tastes, but most uniforms do end up having a similar look.
Does anyone else find it concerning that parents, in cooperation with schools, then risk teaching legalistic attitudes, that outward outweighs what's happening on the inside, that hypocrisy is justifiable under certain circumstances, that modesty is just about clothing and is concretely and finitely measurable, and that independent of God and in our own strength we can obey the law?
Nevertheless, most student handbooks include a list of dress guidelines comprised of some general statement about clothing being neat, modest and clean followed by a list of all the things that are not allowed (i.e. tank tops, muscle shirts, spaghetti straps, midriffs, cutoffs, etc.). Some schools get even more specific - to the point of measuring how far above or below a knee a skirt slit can be, how low on the hips a pair of pants may permissibly ride or how many fingers wide the strap on a sleeveless shirt must be.Some schools find all these rules to be either burdensome or ridiculous and therefore choose to adopt a school uniform. Acceptable items of clothing are then detailed by the school administration and/or teaching staff and the family must then purchase a minimum number of the approved items so that their children arrive at school appropriately clothes. In local Nigerien schools, when students register, they are given tiny swatches of the uniform colors (i.e. khaki for the bottoms, sky blue for the tops) and directions like skirts for girls, ankle length pants for boys, and shirts must have collars and sleeves. They purchase material, take it to a tailor and have their uniforms made. There is some room for individual style and tastes, but most uniforms do end up having a similar look.
What I don't get about dress codes is all the fuss. Yes. Set up some standards and then gently, graciously enforce them. Many times, all it takes is a quiet reminder and a sheepish student fixes the problem because s/he realizes they got caught seeing how far s/he could push... or because s/he honest to goodness didn't recognize s/he was violating the rules and is horrified to be "in trouble..." or the upper elementary kid who has grown and lengths that were acceptable at the beginning of the year no longer work... Don't humiliate or berate children for their clothing choices. Don't automatically assume the worst possible motivations. Don't place children in the role of "dress code police." Don't create anxiety so that students agonize over their clothing choices each morning. Recognize that youth will experiment with what they wear and how it looks and evaluate the different reactions they get based on their clothing. They are exploring what it means to be masculine or feminine and developing a style that says, "Hey, this is me!" Modesty is a concern - but the point of modesty is not making sure the girls don't dress in a way that is tempting to guys (unfortunately, that is what is has come down to in many dress codes). Rather the point is to not call attention to yourself, but instead in your comportment and presentation to bring glory to God - and inherent in the word modesty is also the word softness or gentleness. Dealing with dress code infractions in a harsh or "bully-ing" way undermines that whole principle - and will never bring a "...harvest of love, joy, peace; patience towards others, kindness, benevolence..." (WNT) which then causes me to wonder how many dress codes are the overflow of the work of the Spirit.
What to do with those repeat offenders who are continually pushing the line? The first resource needs to be parents. Parents repeatedly required to leave work, come to school to get their child who violates the code, take them home and help them to find something acceptable and then return them to school will typically begin to ensure that their child dresses appropriately and then accountability falls back on parental shoulders (speaking as a parent, that is exactly where I think it should be). Since both parents and students are typically required to sign student handbooks at the beginning of the school year, parents have already agreed to support the school and their dress code.
Of course, all of these issues remind me of the benefits of uniforms. Choosing one makes it easier to identify the compliant as well as the defiant. Another plus for uniforms? Teenage girls flinging clothing items all over the bedroom moaning about having nothing to wear becomes a thing of the past - they simply pull the uniform out of the dryer from the day before, iron as needed, get dressed and head out the door for school.
I was discussing this with a group of friends the other day and one person commented that our Korean families (we work at an international school) are some of the most adamant against uniforms - recalling too strongly the absolute lack of individualism and the oppression of communism.
What to do with those repeat offenders who are continually pushing the line? The first resource needs to be parents. Parents repeatedly required to leave work, come to school to get their child who violates the code, take them home and help them to find something acceptable and then return them to school will typically begin to ensure that their child dresses appropriately and then accountability falls back on parental shoulders (speaking as a parent, that is exactly where I think it should be). Since both parents and students are typically required to sign student handbooks at the beginning of the school year, parents have already agreed to support the school and their dress code.
Of course, all of these issues remind me of the benefits of uniforms. Choosing one makes it easier to identify the compliant as well as the defiant. Another plus for uniforms? Teenage girls flinging clothing items all over the bedroom moaning about having nothing to wear becomes a thing of the past - they simply pull the uniform out of the dryer from the day before, iron as needed, get dressed and head out the door for school.
So yes, I'm clearly a fan of uniforms? How about you? Why or why not?
I was discussing this with a group of friends the other day and one person commented that our Korean families (we work at an international school) are some of the most adamant against uniforms - recalling too strongly the absolute lack of individualism and the oppression of communism.
Do you have other examples like this one I just mentioned? If you are a supporter of uniforms, how would you address the above concern? If you know of a different concern, what is it and how would you address that one?
